Sinbad Of The Seven Seas

Oy, where to begin? Let's start with the preamble. A text crawl informs us that this film is based on "The 1,002nd Tale of Scheherezade," Edgar Allen Poe's 19th century update of the Arabian Nights. The makers of Sinbad of the Seven Seas shoot themselves in the foot by even mentioning Poe. It emphasizes the distance between the original story and this hash of an epic, leaving us to conclude that the zombie Poe could have risen from his grave and written a script with more brains.

Lou Ferrigno plays the swashbuckler from Basra and, like Steve Reeves in similar Italian co-productions, his body is supposed to be the main draw. Ferrigno is as ripped as Arnie ever was in his Conan days, so he does a lot of pushing down walls and bending metal. His band of warriors includes the lovesick Prince Ali, a bearded Viking, a Chinese mercenary and (smirk) Pucci the dwarf, all of whom get ample fighting time, and fight passably in slow motion. Whether they are good actors I can't say, because their lines have been ploughed under by narration or dubbed in the Italian style. Truly, worse dubbing I have never heard, ever. It would explain the nonstop voiceover if that weren't equally sub-amateur.

Sinbad's quest is to recover five enchanted jewels that will break the evil spell of Jaffar (John Steiner), usurper to the throne of Basra and kidnapper of Ali's princess love. From the isle of the dead to the isle of the sexy amazons to the isle that looks like a skull, the heroes bop around meeting friends and foes, spouting anachronisms like "finger licking good," and getting closer to confronting the hysterically ineffectual Jaffar. Steiner has the most satanic eyes this side of Christopher Lee.

The original "high adventure" poster art does not grace the DVD cover, and I can't imagine that anyone but Ferrigno buffs will be drawn in by this bland shot of his physique. The disc itself offers a decent, exciting trailer suggesting a much better film. As with most DVD trailers, it has not been cleaned up for posterity. It's hard to judge Sinbad's overall sound, since the dubbed bits are clearly post-production creations and the My First Casio music is so artificial to begin with. The sounds are clear and even, but plain.

Is there anything worthwhile about this disc? The unintentional humour factor, I suppose. Sinbad is up there with the best of the worst. But for all that, the digital transfer has been handled with care, presenting a nicely contrasted, filtered image. There is a glamorous quality to the costumes. Someone went to great effort making sure the sets had authentic-looking Middle Eastern architecture and decoration, clearly employing at least one real palace. Many choices are a little strange, like Jaffar's atomic-age hideout, and, well, every piece of dialogue, but the artistic mise-en-scene is easily the best thing about Sinbad of the Seven Seas. Odd, for a film with such poor value as art.